What to Say

With the holidays approaching, we may be seeing people who have experienced a loss. The holidays can be tough for these folks, it magnifies their loss.

It turns out there is a specific idea you want to keep in mind when talking to someone in grief. You want to validate their experience and listen to them. So saying things like this are helpful:

I’m so sorry for your loss

Of course you feel that way

I don’t know how you feel but I am here for you

My favorite memory of your loved one is…

Or, say nothing and give a hug or just be with them

On the other hand, bright siding and using platitudes is not helpful, because it doesn’t validate their experience and can come across as dismissive. Here are some examples:

They are in a better place

At least they had a full life

I know how you feel

There is a reason for everything

Here’s another way to think about it.

It is in our human nature to want to make some one feel better when we see they are in pain. It also makes US feel more comfortable if we feel we are cheering them up. But when someone is in grief it’s about THEM and not us! Easier said than done I know.

I’m practicing.

In my next blog, I'll share tips for handling the holidays if you have experienced a loss.